Why stalking our potential suitors on social media is only causing us pain.
I think here’s an inbuilt software design fault with all females that sends them a little loopy when something significant with a man happens. It could be the first date or even having sex, but something important in your relationship shifts and you progress to the next level.
I’ve been here before and it’s usually when I sleep with someone or realise I like them. It’s all smooth sailing until there’s that internal shift that turns me into a raving mad woman who is constantly looking for fault and the smallest reason to stress over.
It’s when you realise that males, like females, also have a design fault too – they pull back. And 97.8% of the time they pull back in a situation when we wish they wouldn’t –
♥ When we realise we like them
♥ When we have sex
♥ When we express our feelings or appear vulnerable
♥ When he says he will contact us or he forgets
♥ After a date
♥ When we send them a photo of all our whips and chains and confess that BDSM is our fav past time
Basically, any situation when we need reassurance that it’s all smooth sailing and we’re both on the same page in the book that eventually progresses to seeing each other naked, having adult sleepovers and eating pizza in bed post P in V time. Basically, the adult version of a Disney movie ending.
And yet the silence of hearing nothing from him is almost deafening.
While we’re busy clenching our butt cheeks tight to prevent our heart falling out our ass, we’re stalking them on social. And you have to squeeze your bottom just a little bit harder because the heaviness of your heart feels impossible to hold.
Not only has he rearranged his Tinder photos and changed his bio, he’s also liked 26 of a Bella Hadid lookalikes photos that he swear he’s just friends with and checked in multiple times on Facebook to bars with a bevy of women.
You keep looking online for signs to prove yourself wrong and that he’s really into you, when really, all we are doing is looking for pain and reasons to affirm that he’s a fuckboy. We convince ourselves that peeking is just soothing our soul, it’s giving us a reason to bail early on to guard our heart.
I wish I could have a 2 carat rock on my finger telling you that it will be okay. However, sometimes it won’t and that’s still okay.
You can’t change how someone feels or thinks about you, all you can change is how you view the situation. I’ve learned the hard way that whatever happens is the perfect outcome. Stalking him on social and being disappointed with what we see is just hurting ourselves. It definitely isn’t an act of self-care.
Stop googling why he pulled away.
Stop checking to see if he rearranged his photos on Tinder.
Stop meticulously checking to see if he’s changed his Tinder bio.
Stop refreshing the following tab on Instagram.
Stop checking to see when he was last active on messenger.
This doesn’t affect him it all, the only person it causes pain for is you.
Whatever works out is always for the best. I’m a huge believer in letting things happen, especially relationships need to develop with grace and ease.
PS. How rad is this photo? It’s me pre boob job on a shoot with the ever gorgeous Hannah Robinson.