It sounds ridiculous, right? A health and fitness expert who has gotten to a point where they hate exercise.
I’d put on some tunes and chuck Balance in the diffuser in an attempt to set the mood for a great workout (if you aren’t mood setting your workouts what are you even doing?!), and as soon as I started moving, a wave of rage flooded my entire body.
I was aware of every ache and pain, every neglected muscle, how fucking terrible my body felt and then… every client, everyone I’ve ever taught, work I had to catch up, my Pilates studio and every other negative thing I could think of that caused physical pain in my body… and JESUS CHRIST I WANT TO PUNCH A WALL, FUCK PILATES GIMME A GOD DAMN CHEESEBURGER.
This happened every time I went to work out. Every single time. (Except the cheeseburger part because that would be getting a little outa hand).
And it started happening long ago.
I guess we need to imagine one of those back in time montages with colours and 70s music and rewind to 15-year-old Peta who lost 20kg from Pilates (thanks, Marie Windsor Pilates!). That girl never imagined opening a Pilates studio, having a Pilates DVD or even working in fitness, but something switched in her and she wanted to positively reshape people the same way that Pilates reshaped her.
So she opened her studio when she was 20 and worked really hard and continued to work hard but never felt like it was ‘enough’. Her goal was to influence the health and happiness of her clients through movement and she knew her message could transcend far beyond her little hometown of Maitland, so she started a blog.
Her blog wasn’t too great, but she still showed up and acted like it was the best damn blog on the planet! Hell, she even fucking coded it HERSELF. She’d lose her shit when companies would send her food to review or a piece of clothing to wear in her exercise videos on YouTube. And in between classes she’d spend hours working on becoming the worlds next Tracy Anderson. She wanted to be a star.
She even wondered if the studio was just a stepping stone for one of life’s big plans for her.
Fast forward a few years and her studio which once lit her up now was a burden she had to show up to. Although she loved her clients and she loved teaching, she kept wondering if was playing too small by doing the same thing every week and not really growing. Oh, and dealing with all the delightful things you get to do when you own a health and fitness facility – wet socks, bad debt, occasional asshole clients (did I say that?!) and all the other things that have you wanting to pull your hair out and scream ‘WHY’, trust me, there’s a Facebook support group for studio owners and we meet for coffee every Thursday talkin’ about it.
She decided enough was enough. She loved Pilates and didn’t want to lose her passion for it, but she was so ready to spread her wings and pursue her online business aka her blog aka her ‘publication’ which she’d really wish you’d call it. She knew life had plans as big as Pamela Anderson’s titties (huge!) for her and she had to show the universe she was serious by taking the first step… so she advertised her business.
Two and a half years went by and no amount of abundance manifestations, vision boards or letters to her future owner would bring them quicker. Three sales fell through and in between emails to her solicitor and classes, she attempted to exercise but couldn’t shake the feeling of rage that would overcome her with one single rolldown or Pilates exercise… or any exercise.
Even putting on Lycra pants changed her state enough that to wanted to cut up all her activewear with scissors (IG peeps – thus why this bitch wears a dress now to do cardio). Oh wait, we’re back in the present as this was only a few months ago. HA!
It still feels weird writing that – finding my love of fitness – but I feel like I am doing just that.
A few days ago, I rolled out my Pilates mat and exercised. And although my body was screaming at me, it wasn’t about work, it was more just ‘fuck lady, you’re really out of shape’. (And because I cut up most of my workout gear the training is being done in a G-Banger and a bra so I can see the level of out of shape. Thank me for the visual later… *wink*.)
I’ve finally gotten to a point where my body is screaming at me for not moving regularly and loving it enough which often has me having conversations like “It’s okay glutes, just be cool, we’ll get you firing again” to which Audrey looks at me like I’ve gone mad. But I feel like I’m on this self-discovery path for exercise and redeveloping my passion for it and putting some focus on the all-important thing that is self-care.
Health and fitness for me, have really taken a back seat in my life and honestly, I’m not really getting turned on by the many uncomfortable workouts and 9 pm pre-fridge-raid binges that lay ahead in the process of getting fit. The process of getting healthy and fit is uncomfortable AF – seriously guys, exercise profesh here actually empathising with you – BUT, I know it will be more uncomfortable to be held back from my business goals because I’ve neglected the self-care that is exercise and healthy eating. No one wants to get sick on the verge of something big in their business.
I firmly believe when we want to better ourselves as a person and keep upleveling, we need to do exactly the same with our level of self-care. When I asked myself what Presidential Diamond self-care looked like, let’s just say it would a routine that I’m pretty sure Rosie Huntington-Whitely has (I hope this comes with Jason Statham too) which is why I’m making the changes now.
So, scales were stepped on. Measurements were jotted down. Christmas will be had (and again, FUCKING ENJOYED!) and I’m excited to begin my 30 day reset starting the 28th and I’ll taper it out to a long-term and sustainable plan and keep you guys updated along the way.
Here’s to exercise, you may give me sweaty bangs and have me cursing under my breath, but at least it means my ass won’t slap on the back of my thighs when I walk anymore.