I joke in all my posts about love and romance, that I believe experiences happen to me so I can share it with my readers. I had a very wise friend tell me that everything happens a reason and in relationships there is always a lesson.
Lessons should teach you something. I guess sometimes we don’t always pay attention because we’re so fixated on a perfect idea that didn’t go to plan in our head. I don’t always pay attention to lessons. Perhaps if I did I wouldn’t have a lot of the drama I do in my romantic life. But let’s just pretend I’m a very committed writer who wants to give my readers good content.
This has been a post that has been compiled of notes stored in my phone. I hope it makes sense and I hope the people who need it, find it.
1: Just because someone desires you, doesn’t mean they value you
Girls, there’s probably many, many men that gush over how stunning you are. They pay you compliments while they’re kissing you, you get texts about how much he wants to sleep with you and you very aware about how much you turn him on.
Although it’s nice to be desired, there comes a point where you need more out of a relationship than just amazing sexual chemistry.
I’ve been here many times, I’ve assumed because I’m desired sexually that they actually value me, when in fact they don’t at all.
I know the guy. They won’t make any solid plans with you and blow off stupidly important events that mean the world to you. But they’ll gladly come around after and tell you repeatedly that they couldn’t stop thinking about sleeping with you all day. Initially it feels nice to be wanted but there comes a point where we stop and ask ourselves ‘what now?’. It makes you question whether or not they’re just using you for sex and starts to give you a negative belief pattern around men and sex.
Although you want to find a man you have great sexual chemistry with, it’s important you find someone that values you and treasures you just as much as your favourite handbag. You’re amazing! You are wonderful enough and worthy enough to have someone who desires you AND values you equally.
2: When you’re dating someone, you’re figuring out whether YOU’RE into them, not stressing if they’re into you
This is great to think when you’re nervous about dating people and are new to it. It really does help if you change your thoughts and realise you’re seeing if the guy works for you. You’re seeing if you’re into him and he will fit in with your life, rather than stressing if he likes you. You’re a shit hot supermodel baby and he’s crazy if he can’t see that.
Dating isn’t about proving ourself to someone else. It isn’t about making them think we are worthy of them. Just be your gorgeous authentic self and enjoy dates for a fun experience.
3: Be present, don’t create an unrealistic future
You’ve gone on 2 dates with a guy who looks like Paul Newman reincarnated. It’s easy to let your mind wander and plan your life together for the next 15 years, where you’ll live and your children’s names. Don’t do that!
Most of us have been there before, we’ve dated someone a handful of times and end up being so sad when it doesn’t work out. We can’t for the life of us we can’t work out why and are puzzled at why we’re so upset over a guy not contacting again that we’ve only dated twice.
The reason? We created this crystal clear vision that we can feel and when reality makes itself known it hurts. It’s like that ideal was ripped from our grasp.
That’s why it’s important to stay mindful and take each day as it comes. Don’t get too wrapped up on an idea because sometimes things don’t turn out the way our imagination would like it to.
4: The good guys are still out there
This is one I still struggle with applying. You’ve dated a lineup of men more questionable than the inmates on Prison Break (hmm Wentworth Miller!), it’s easy to lose hope that Mr Right For You is out there.
If you’re reading this, there’s every chance that you’ve been cheated on, dumped and perhaps had your heart stomped on so much, you find it hard to actually see any light. My advice would be not to date while you’re still feeling tender and bitter.
Allow yourself to heal. When you meet a new guy you want to give him 100%, not 60% because you’re sobbing over your ex every night. We need to stop and enjoy the ride, kiss a few frogs and accept situations as life experience. Mr (or Ms) Right-for-you is out there!