My musings for the month of March.
A few days ago I was driving to Canberra to celebrate my friend Lauren’s hens day.
I was with my mum who kept pointing at the clock gesturing that it was well past our morning coffee time. So we took the next exit to find a roadside patisserie with sugar laden treats served on paper doilies and coffee in dainty china teacups. You know, the stuff you expect every picturesque roadside town would have.
As we sat waiting for our treats to arrive (Berrima you do deliver the goods!) I made a comment to mum about the neediness of some men as my phone kept lighting up with Tinder messages (also a first world problem, I am well aware). And as you’d expect from a quaint town, a nosey woman popped her head up from her phone – obviously eavesdropping – and chimes in with the advice that I should turn my phone off. We begin to chat and somehow it comes up that I run my blog full-time, to which she smugly states,
“Well, I hope you have a backup plan because you won’t have a business in 10 years time.”
If I were to sum up the month, this moment would be it.
I don’t know if she was having a bad day or just decided she didn’t like the look of me, but for 10 whole minutes I had to sit and defend myself whilst this woman berated my business telling me how much of an idiot I am for throwing the towel in on a ‘stable’ job for something that has zero longevity.
Looking back, it feels like one of those surreal moments that you navigate on autopilot because it all happens so suddenly.
I didn’t know this woman, yet she felt the need to comment on my life and tell me that I’m living it incorrectly – according to her.
Let’s just say that when you decide to leave your career of eight years and do something that society deems as being unconventional, that every single person you’ve ever met is going to tell you what you think about it and give you supposed sage advice on how you should live your life – and selling your business to write about tits, lipstick and boys online is definitely not what you should be doing.
For a while now I know I’ve needed to make a major career change. I want to grow as a person and still doing the same job that I was when I was 20 felt like it was stifling the growth I was yearning for.
I knew that working on my blog full-time was what I needed to be doing. I’ve been modelling for years and I always feel at home in front of the camera and planning photoshoots. And although writing is still new to me and I have a long way to go, fusing them together felt like that natural career progression I was after.
Although some people were happy, I couldn’t believe the negative flack that came with my exciting announcement. Almost as if they threw enough negativity at me that it would make me change my mind.
But it was happening and no amount of convincing was going to make me change my mind. I was selling my studio and doing my blog full-time. It was happening. No more explanation was needed.
Confession time. I know I’m really excited for this new venture, but I’ve been anxious as fuck hoping that I had, in fact, made the right choice. So in between the sale of the business, moving the business and hustling hard for PB, I was dealing with daily headaches, the odd visual migraine, panic attacks and crying episodes associated with the anxiety and stress.
I definitely didn’t feel like this was how the Professional Babe should deal with things and I was having the hardest time holding it all together that I went for my usual bandaids of men and food that never ever work (because they’re like those cute plastic bandaids with Mickey Mouse on them that don’t even cover a papercut).
Yet when people around me started asking if I was okay and how I was coping, it slowly sunk in how casually I was treating a major life change and how I was shedding a huge layer of my identity – Pilates.
I’ve learned that people – myself included – are resistant to change. And shedding a layer of your identity is one of the biggest fucking changes a person can ever make. And people will want to throw their two cents in, just because (something I’ve realised is a lot of the advice people give are words of wisdom they wish they could tell their younger self).
I know if I ran into that bitch from Berrima a few weeks earlier, her words would have really made me question whether or not I was making the right choice. And although March was a really hard month for me coming to terms with my loss of identity of being Peta Pilates, I feel like I haven’t physically lost a part of me, rather I’m evolving into that person I’ve always wanted to become.
There are bittersweet feelings to end the era of my Pilates studio that I called my baby for eight years. But the endings mean the new beginnings for the next chapter in this Professional Babe’s life.
Bring on April. The month for new beginnings.